I sat down in the back of the sanctuary and bowed my head trying to tell God that there was no way I had the nerve to speak about abortion to a bunch of kids who I didn’t even know. After maybe an hour or more of crying and telling God I just can’t do this, I opened my eyes and I see my feet moving. I looked up and here I am walking down the aisle towards the group of 20 kids or so who were now standing in a circle holding hands at the front of the sanctuary. I threw my hands up and said, “God, I guess you’re going to give me the nerve to do this, I guess a young girl in this group is pregnant!” At the end of the aisle, I turned towards the kids and the Holy Spirit whispered in my left ear, “Fix your eyes on Marcy!” Marcy and her husband Marlin were one of the first couples to welcome me into this church a few months earlier. Two girls parted hands and reached out to take my hands. I turned to Marcy on my left and said, “Marcy, God wants me to deliver a message to this group tonight.” Marcy permitted me to speak.
I started telling the group how I was an over-the-road truck driver and this past Tuesday morning was my first day off after being out on the road for five weeks. I told them I was homeless, living in my tractor and Tuesday morning I started my day with a cup of coffee in the driver’s lounge at my terminal watching the morning news when a driver walks through and says, “Dispatchers messed it up today!” Laughing, I asked, “What have they done now?” He says, “They have too many local deliveries and not enough drivers!” The driver continued out the back door and I could feel the pressure starting to build on my chest. God has done this to me before so I knew it was His doing. I said, “Please God, I need this day off.” The pressure continues until I jumped up and said, “Okay, I’ll call in.” As I was dialing Jackie, my dispatcher’s number I could feel the pressure dropping. I told Jackie, “If you needed me I could make a local delivery!” Jackie said, “You’ll have your info by the time you get back to your tractor.” Within thirty minutes or so I am Westbound on Rt. 60 for Long Beach.
I continued, "I was listening to a Christian radio station that was interviewing Pastor Alvin L. Howard, who was describing his ministry called, His Nesting Place. In this interview Pastor Howard said that since the Supreme Court's approval of Roe vs. Wade Bill, there have been approximately 35 million abortions performed here in America." At that moment I heard a young girl to my right cry out.
I continued saying, "After hearing of the 35 million abortions my memory of three messages that God has given me started replaying through my head; immediately after this the Holy Spirit whispered in my left ear saying, 'You must go to the youth group Friday night and tell your abortion stories.' This message was repeated over and over from that moment up until last night when I went to bed. Having been awake for two nights and three days up until last night hearing the Holy Spirit whispering this message in my left ear over and over. God allowed me to fall asleep last night and I woke up here at the front door a little over an hour ago.”
I must quickly tell you of three events beginning with the third event first. On the night of Jan 22,'97, as I was saying my prayers and praying about the abortion issue the Holy Spirit spoke in my left ear saying, 'I will repay America double for her iniquities!' This brought back the memory of the two previous events about abortion, so I cried out, 'What is it God, what do You want from me? God, I am just a truck driver, who am I that You would say this to?’ I was deeply troubled over the Holy Spirit's comment, wondering if God was planning to use me in some way to make a difference in someone's life."
The young girl who had started crying earlier was now noticeable more upset.
I continued saying, "The second event happens one night as I was asleep in my sleeper in Connecticut; I might have been asleep maybe an hour or so when I was suddenly awakened by a voice saying, 'As long as America allows abortion this nation is going down, down and down.' I believe this might have been in June of 1995. I jumped up to burst through the curtains to the front of the cab thinking there was someone there, but I found the doors were locked and the windows were rolled up. I closed the curtains and sat down on the edge of my bunk and said, 'As long as... As long as America allows abortion.... this nation is going down, down and down.' I laid back down that night, troubled and wondering what God was trying to reveal to me about abortion.”
At the time of the first event, I was living in LaGrange, Illinois and driving in the Chicago area. It was Saturday morning Aug. 1,'92 when I suddenly decided that I would visit the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. There was a large display of the different stages of the life of the Fetus. Each fetus in its jar with a plaque to the lower right of each jar explaining the developments of that stage of life. I had never seen anything like this before and I was becoming quite upset and teary-eyed viewing this display.
The young girl who had started crying earlier was now louder than ever.
I said, “Standing in front of the third to the last jar, I laughed at myself and said aloud, 'God, Why is this bothering me so?' Wiping my tears away, I said, 'Well, I have seen enough of this.' I started to turn to walk away, but my feet didn’t move; again I started to turn to the right, but still, my feet would not move. Looking at the fetus through my tears; I heard a voice whisper in my left ear saying, 'This was life at one time!' I jumped and quickly turned to my left to see who was speaking, but there was no one there. I turned back to face the fetus and then looked to the left and then to the right to see if anyone was watching me. I lowered my head to wipe my tears and then looked up and to my amazement, I hadn't moved, yet I was now standing in front of the next fetus, next to the last on this display."
I noticed at this point the young girl who had started crying earlier was now in the center of the circle, wailing with two friends at her side trying to comfort her.
I continued saying, "I studied this fetus' body and then read the plaque describing its developments at this stage of life. I looked back to the fetus through my tears and the voice again whispered in my left ear saying. ‘Man called this life, a fetus!’ I jumped and quickly turned to the left hoping to see who was speaking to me, but again there was no one there.”
I told this group, “I realized at this point that it was the Holy Spirit who was speaking to me. Turning back to face the fetus I quickly glanced to the left and then to the right to see if anyone was watching me, there was no one near me and no one watching that I could see. I lowered my head to hide the fact that I was wiping away my tears and again I raised my head to be shocked, I hadn't moved, yet I saw that I was now standing in front of the last fetus of this display. Wiping my tears, I began to study this fetus and then I read the plaque describing the development at this final stage of life just before birth. My eyes were drawn back to the fetus and again the Holy Spirit whispered in my left ear saying, 'But God calls this, life at conception!' Suddenly my feet bolted out to the right, not having ever been in this building before, I glanced ahead in the direction I was now moving and I saw a men’s restroom sign above a door. I thank God there was no one coming out this door as I hit it at nearly a dead run, and I thank the LORD that there was no one in the first stall. I quickly sat down and started crying out, ‘God, why did you do this to me? Who am I that You should do this too? God, I am just a truck driver, why have You done this to me?' I heard some voices that sounded as though it was two men at the basin. When I heard their voices I got quiet to listen to what the men were saying, but then I heard two men’s voices in my left ear, one was a coworker, Ron, who I had been working with for the past three months or so, and the other was another coworker, Mike, who I had worked with from 1982 to 1990 or so. Both men were saying the same thing to me, 'You say you’re a Christian man, so how do you feel about abortion?' I cried out, 'God, I have always said, I know it is wrong, but it is the woman body!' I suddenly realized that was my thoughts and not God's thoughts. I cried out, 'God, That’s not what your Word tells us, is it? We were bought for a price and that’s with the shed blood of Jesus Christ.'"
I turned to my left and begin pointing to each one in the circle as I was saying, "The message for this group tonight is..." I paused with my eyes on the one girl who was still wailing and then the Holy Spirit whispered in my left ear. I turned again to my left and began speaking the message to the group saying, "God can even forgive a sin as great as this."
Marcy begins a long prayer and after several minutes passed, Marcy closes her prayer. With my heartbreaking for this young girl, thinking she has already had an abortion; I started to walk over to put my arm around the girl to tell her, God has forgiven you, now you need to forgive yourself. But Marcy spoke out, "His message, that was for me, a long, long, loooong time ago, I had an abortion and I have never told anyone."
The young girl was Marcy's 15-year-old daughter who had just turned in a term paper that morning titled, "Abortion and Its' Effects on The Family"
Lying down in my bunk to begin my prayer that night; I said, "A long, long, loooong time ago, I had an abortion and I have never told anyone." Realizing it was the Holy Spirit Who had spoken this through my lips; I cried out "God, Marcy had never truly forgiven herself for the abortion, but You have made it clear to her tonight that You have forgiven her." I continued for the next several minutes to praise God for having used me to deliver His message of forgiveness to Marcy.
The greater message came that following Sunday morning at church, Jan. 24, Marcy and Marlin were the greeters. After speaking with Marlin I turned to Marcy and I started to say good morning but what came out was, "Marcy, God has a message for you this morning!” Marcy said, “Yes!” I said, “God wants you to know that you will see your daughter when you get to Heaven." Shock at what I just said, I stepped back and asked, "Marcy, did you know that your first child was a girl?" Marcy answered, "Yes, I told a nurse in the recovery room that I had to know, she told me it was a girl."
With all of this said, how could I not be a strong advocate for life?
This is the proof that God can forgive you for your past sins just as He has forgiven Marcy and millions of others.
In January 1991 when I cried out with godly sorrow for my past sins, asking God for His forgiveness and renewing my vow accepting Jesus Christ as my LORD and SAVIOR. He forgave me just as He will forgive you; God’s promises never fail.
I often ask God to help me to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit, both to His voice and His very presence within me.
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 2 Corinthians 7:10
As I have said many times in the past; one last thing you might ask yourself, why would anyone subject himself to criticism and persecution by making such bizarre statements, such as I’ve made in this writing, if they were not true? God is my witness to the truth of what I have written here and if you choose to deny what I have said, it is your choice. But remember this - But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death (Revelation 21:8).