Friday, June 11, 2010

Subject: Climate Change

** Are You Sitting Down? **

All of you out there across the globe who have fought so hard to tackle the
hideous enemy of our planet, namely carbon emissions, you know ....that
bogus God you worship of “Climate Change” or “Global Warming” ....well, I
feel it is necessary to inform you of some bad news. It really does pain me
to have to bring you this disappointing information.

Are you sitting down?

Okay, here's the bombshell. The current volcanic eruption going on in
Iceland, since its first spewing of volcanic ash has, in just FOUR DAYS,
NEGATED EVERY SINGLE EFFORT you have made in the past five years to control
CO2 emissions on our planet - all of you.

Of course you know about this evil carbon dioxide that we are trying to
suppress - it’s that vital chemical compound that every plant requires to
live and grow and to synthesise into oxygen for us humans and all animal

I know, I know.... (group hug)'s very disheartening to realise that all
of the carbon emission savings you have accomplished while suffering the
inconvenience and expense of: driving Prius hybrids, buying fabric grocery
bags, sitting up till midnight to finish your kid's "The Green Revolution"
science project, throwing out all of your non-green cleaning supplies, using
only two squares of toilet paper, putting a brick in your toilet tank
reservoir, selling your SUV and speedboat, vacationing at home instead of
Bali, nearly getting hit every day on your bicycle, replacing all of your $1
light bulbs with $10 light bulbs ...well, all of those things you have done
have all gone down the tubes in just four days.

The volcanic ash emitted into the Earth's atmosphere in just four days - yes
- FOUR DAYS ONLY by that volcano in Iceland, has totally erased every single
effort you have made to reduce the evil beast, carbon. And there are around
200 active volcanoes on the planet spewing out this crud any one time -

Oh, I don't really want to rain on your parade too much, but I should
mention that when the volcano Mt Pinatubo erupted in the Philippines in
1991, it spewed out more greenhouse gases into the atmosphere than the
entire human race had emitted in its entire 40 MILLION YEARS on earth. Yes
folks, Mt Pinatubo was active for over one year - think about it.

Of course I shouldn't spoil this touchy-feely tree-hugging moment and
mention the effect of solar and cosmic activity and the well-recognised
800-year global heating and cooling cycle, which keep happening, despite our
completely insignificant efforts to affect climate change.

I'm so sorry. And I do wish I had a silver lining to this volcanic ash cloud
but the fact of the matter is that the bush fire season across the western
USA and Australia this year alone will negate your efforts to reduce carbon
in our world for the next two to three years. And it happens every year.

Just remember that your government just tried to impose a whopping carbon
tax on you on the basis of the bogus “human-cause” climate change scenario.

Hey, isn’t it interesting how they don’t mention Global Warming any more,
but just “Climate Change” - you know why? It’s because the planet has COOLED
by 0.7 degrees in the past century and these global warming bullshit artists
got caught with their pants down.

And just keep in mind that if that same government is re-elected, you will
have an Emissions Trading Scheme - that whopping new tax - imposed on you,
that will achieve absolutely nothing except make you poorer. It won’t stop
any volcanoes from erupting, that is for sure.

But hey, grab a Coke, give the world a hug and have a nice day!

PS: I wonder if Iceland is buying carbon offsets? Maybe from Al Gore?