To be a loyal Democrat you must raise your left hand, recite, sign and date this document and post it on your front door for all to see.
1. I will vote for the Democrats because I believe oil companies' profits of less than 8% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the federal and states government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15 to 19% isn't.
2. I will vote for the Democrats because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
3. I will vote for the Democrats because "Freedom of Speech" is fine as long as no one is offended by it.
4. I will vote for the Democrats because I am too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect my family from murderers and thieves.
5. I will vote for the Democrats because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
6. I will vote for the Democrats because I am not concerned about 1.4 million babies being aborted per year so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
7. I will vote for the Democrats because I believe we do need to keep our borders open for all of those who seek freedom even if 60% of those crossing illegally may mean us harm, they have the right to be free also. Illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.
8. I will vote for the Democrats because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.
9. I will vote for the Democrats because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
10. I will vote for the Democrats because I think that it's better to pay billions to people who hate us for their oil, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle or gopher.
11. I will vote for the Democrats because while we live in the greatest, most wonderful free and profitable country in the world, I was promised "HOPE AND CHANGE".
12. I will vote for the Democrats because they will help me pay my mortgage and put gasoline in my car.
13. I will vote for the Democrats because when I do lose my job they will provide for my every need and want as I sat at home watching Wheel of Fortune on my wide screen plasma television.
14. I will vote for the Democrats because I believe it is always easier to appease our enemies then to stand up and fight for what is right.
15. I will vote for the Democrats because I believe if God would have wanted me to be a honest, godly, loyal patriotic citizen then He would have given me republican parents.
16. I will vote for the Democrats because my head is so firmly planted up my ass, it is unlikely that I will ever have another sensible point of view.
I _____________________, hereby agree with everything said within this document and declare my allegiance to the Democratic Party on ___. __, 2011.
